Hi, I’m Zeke. I’m an emotional support bro, lifelong overachiever in recovery, and the host of SillyGooseEQ — a YouTube channel (and podcast!) for guys in their 30s, 40s, and 50s who are ready to flex their feelings… without losing their sense of humor.

This week’s episode is for anyone who’s ever tried to rest…

…and immediately felt like a lazy sack of sh*t.

Welcome to the brain damage that hustle culture gave us all.

In Episode 2, we talk about:

• 💀 The Productivity-Worth Fallacy (AKA “I work, therefore I matter”)

• 🏛️ Why American grind culture is a scam that started with the Industrial Revolution and peaked with Wall Street coke dealers

• 🧠 How rest improves problem-solving, creativity, and emotional regulation

• 🥵 My personal journey with burnout, closets, and sauna-based meditation

• 🛑 And the underrated power of doing absolutely nothing

The Challenge: Rest On Purpose

This week’s Silly Goose EQ mission?

Take 15 minutes to intentionally do nothing.

No screens. No guilt. No multitasking. Just a human being… being.

You might be surprised what your brain comes up with when you let it breathe.

🎥 Watch Episode 2 on YouTube

▶️ You’re Not Lazy—You’re Burnt Out (And It’s Not Your Fault)

🎧 Prefer audio? Here ya go!

SillyGooseEQ is now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and wherever else you listen. Just search SillyGooseEQ and look for the dude with the silly sunglasses and big feelings.

If you’re into:

• emotional intelligence with jokes

• therapy but make it funny

• being the kind of man your inner child would feel safe with

…then you might just be one of us.

Subscribe here to get new episodes (and the occasional essay) straight to your inbox →

📬 Subscribe to SillyGooseEQ on Substack

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We drop new episodes every two weeks.

Come for the emotional fitness. Stay for the fart jokes.

—Zeke

P.S. Want to help support the show?

Join the Founding Flock on Patreon. You’ll help keep the goose honking and the healing going.

Hey Flockers—

It’s finally here.

After months of writing, filming, editing, second-guessing, re-editing, sending to friends, spiraling, and then getting really excited again…

🎬 Episode 1 of SillyGooseEQ is now LIVE on YouTube.

Watch here → https://www.youtube.com/@SillyGooseEQ

Episode Title:

“Men, Emotions, and Tacos: The Friendship Love Language Guide”

What it’s about:

You’ve probably heard of the Five Love Languages. But what if we applied them to friendship—specifically bro friendship?

This episode dives into how we show up for the people we care about—without getting weird, preachy, or therapist-y. (Unless you’re into that. No shade.)

We’re talking:

• 🥇 Compliments that don’t get you flagged by HR

• 🛠️ Acts of Service beyond helping your buddy move his couch

• 🎁 Why the best gifts are funny, useful, and extremely niche

• 🕺 The life-changing power of dancing in the kitchen

• 🤝 And yes—why the bro hug is an elite love language when used correctly

There are tacos. There are feelings. There’s a real story about someone trauma-dumping on me in a hot tub.

Why I’m Making This Show

A lot of men I know want to connect more deeply—with their friends, their families, and themselves—but weren’t handed the emotional tools to do it.

SillyGooseEQ is here to change that. With jokes. And fart sound effects. And maybe a goose in sunglasses.

It’s my attempt to turn emotional intelligence into something accessible, fun, and genuinely healing—especially for men in their 30s, 40s, and 50s who were raised in the era of “Don’t cry or I’ll give you something to cry about.”

How You Can Help

If you dig the vibe:

1. Watch the episode → YouTube.com/@SillyGooseEQ

2. Share it with someone who could use a little permission to be more of themselves.

3. Subscribe to the channel so you don’t miss future episodes.

   New ones drop every other Wednesday.

And if you’re really feeling it, you can join the Founding Flock by replying to this email or becoming a patron. I’ll be shouting you out and giving early access to behind-the-scenes stuff.

Thanks for being part of this with me.

I’m Zeke Rodrigues Thomas, and I’ll keep flexing my feelings if you promise to do the same.

Honk if you’re with me.

🦆💛

Zeke

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Today, we’re tackling the five love languages, but not for romance—for friendship. Because, let’s be real, bro love is real love.

Think of this like learning your friend’s preferred protein shake flavor—only instead of bulking up their biceps, you’re bulking up their heart.”

What are love languages?

If you’ve heard of them on social media or IRL there is a good chance you’re talking to someone who is referencing Gary Chapman’s 1992 book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. It outlines five general ways that romantic partners express and experience love, which Chapman calls "love languages". specifically: words of affirmation ( wow, you are the best cake baker of all time!), quality time (Wanna get together and eat a piece of cake?), receiving gifts (I bought you a new cookbook full of cake recipes!), acts of service (I baked you a birthday cake from scratch!, or physical touch (I wanna have sex with this cake. Okay maybe not that…. How about, I’ll sensually feed you this piece of cake?).

Chapman argues that, while each of these languages is enjoyed to some degree by all people, a person will usually speak one primary language. He argues that all five are important, but that they can be individually ranked (after answering the love language profile questions he designed for this purpose).

Chapman suggests that to discover another person's love language, one must observe the way they express love to others, and analyze what they complain about most often and what they request from their significant other most often. He theorizes that people tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love, and better communication between couples can be accomplished when one can demonstrate caring to the other person in the love language the recipient understands.

This was the first of many books promoting the above concept was The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, first published in 1992.^[4] The book has sold over 11 million copies in English; having been translated into 49 other languages and the 2015 edition consistently ranks in the top 100 sellers on Amazon.com, ranking in the top 50 as of February, 2007. It also consistently ranks in the top five books on the New York Times bestsellers list, claiming the #1 spot at times. It has also resulted in numerous spin offs titles including ones for teens, kids, apologies, and appreciation in the workplace.

But how did he come up with this system? Dr Gary Chapman as he is now known had been a pastor and marriage counselor for over 30 years before he wrote the FLL and he took his learnings and turned them into this bestselling book. This is all to say he’s created quite the cottage industry on relationships based on his learnings that have led him to become a celebrated speaker and radio host.

But his theories on love and romantic relationships are not without their detractors. Chapman’s theories are based on a very narrow set of guidelines. Mainly heteronormative, christian couples, in North Carolina who he spoke to between the years of roughly 1960 through 1990. And if I had to guess… those would skew predominantly white but that’s me.

I listened to the audio book and race and socio economics were never mentioned but then again it was ‘92 when he wrote it and he was trying to cast the widest aspirational net at the time.

But aside from his narrow data set and point of view there is a lack of scientific research to back up any of his claims.

There have been several research studies trying to evaluate Chapman's love languages framework, with mixed results. A 2022 study provided some evidence in favor of the love languages framework, while summarizing past empirical support for it as "equivocal."^[8] A recent article emphasized "a paucity of empirical work" and criticized the invalidity of the construct in several dimensions - wikipedia

But this is all background to say feel free to explore at your own risk. Your mileage may vary.

But let’s dive into the FLL system so we can figure out how to have better relationships with your friends!

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

This is a flowery way of saying giving your friend compliments. One of the things I like to do when I greet someone is pay them a compliment. Usually on an article of clothing or an accessory. “Sweet gold chain, bro! Is that new?” or if they are closer friends I know I have permission to compliment their physique cause who doesn’t want their friends to see the gainz they’ve been working hard to achieve.

If they cooked a meal, I tell them how much i love it. If effort was put in, I know my friends want me to acknowledge it.

Other examples I use for my male friends, “Beard is looking glorious today, my guy”, or “ That drop fade is looking tight.” or way to rock that crop top as a dude in his 40’s!

The key is to make it sound natural. If it feels like you’re reciting a yelp review. You’ve missed the mark

Again dudes even with your close lady friends I can’t begin to explain how important it is to stay out of the creep zone. If you don’t know what the creep zone is … it probably means you’ve hung out there a bit too long. Ugh you might be in it right now!

That means keep it non-sexual compliments. Appreciation based on skills versus appearance are a helpful guideline. It’s not foolproof but it's usually safe harbor.

Side note: I use compliments or words of affirmation as part of my navigating of life. And if I even get stuck and don’t have a compliment for someone I've just met I almost always compliment their shoes. Easy. gender non-specific works and 10 out of 10 times.

If your friend loves compliments and words of affirmation don’t hold back. Do not ignore their big efforts, avoid saying mean shit to them, only lightly roast on a rare occasion, do not ignore them when they reach out, And most importantly tell your friends you love them. They are under no obligation to say it back but I can tell you in the last 10 years I’ve made it a practice to tell my friends I love them every time I see them. There is a chance I was the only person to say I love you to them that day so I go for it. Normalize telling your friends you love them cause you do. If that’s too much for you… add a bro at the end to take the “seriousness” out of it.

Or lean into sincerity! It's fun!

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ACTS OF SERVICE

The "Acts of service" love language means showing love through actions, essentially doing thoughtful things for your friends that make their life easier or more enjoyable, like running errands, cooking meals, or helping with chores, essentially where actions speak louder than words. I equate this to showing up for people. Whether its saying yes to helping them move a couch, get coffee with them, or sometimes its just as basic as showing up to a time and place when you say you are. I know its weird but I think I’m friends with a lot of my friends simply because we agree to meet up and then we do … repeatedly. Flaky folks tend to weed themselves out in my life.

Sometimes picking up food or even picking out a place to eat in an equidistant part of town is an act of service. Other times just showing up with tacos is enough to say I love you.

Side note if you show up to my place with mexican food I’ll know you love me. It doesn’t take much. Or italian food. Or chinese. Or japanese… okay I guess if you show up with food we’re basically besties.

One of my close friends loves to host people at her house and cook for them and because I know this is how she shows and receives love I make it a priority to show up for our monthly family dinners.

For me acts of service are a little lower on the list but I know that’s not the case for a lot of other folks. Maybe it’s the 12 step program in me but I try to show up for people when things are rough. Like physically hang out with them. Social media allows us to send condolences and thoughts and prayers and those are nice but the real ones show up and call and check in when things aren’t okay.

If your friend receives love through acts of service avoid going back on promises to hang out together or disregarding their requests for help, or flake on existing plans. Again, basic stuff here but I promise you your friends will appreciate it.

RECEIVING GIFTS

It sounds so simple. Some people love to receive gifts and give gifts as a way of showing love and appreciation. But it’s trickier than you think. This one is not about spending cash and bribing someone into liking you. This one is all about thoughtfulness. Did you notice Tony’s shaker cup broke last week? Get him a new one. Boom—friendship leveled up. Plus now they have a physical item of your friendship that they just might use on a daily basis.

Just choose your gifts with care even if you mostly just lightly roast each other.

For me, I’ve had the best luck in finding something that they use regularly in their daily life or a hobby that they like and then try to find the most niche joke about that thing possible.

QUALITY TIME

This is one of my favorites and ranks number two on my list if you’re keeping score at home.

Quality time is just like it sounds undivided attention with your friend ideally in a distraction-free environment. But it doesn’t have to be. It can be rolling bjj together, going to the range together, surfing, eating (again with the food, do I have a problem?), a movie night. These are all level one activities that build trust BUT are focused on something external.

But if you wanna go deep with your friend consider an activity that forces you to face each other rather than away. I know…. Its revolutionary stuff but as I’m gotten into my mid 40’s I’ve realized its more about depth with my friends than it is about breadth.

(really zeke again with the food references)

But for real I get to ask deep questions of my friends on out of town trips, dinners, or sometimes even after super tough workouts.

If Quality Time is important to your friend, be sure to invite them to things, avoid canceling plans, and for the love of god, just stay off of your phone and please don’t text someone else while you are together. Again sounds super basic but Nothing is more disrespectful than someone else taking priority over us physically making time for one another. I don’t care how bad your ADHD is. Try and be present.

PHYSICAL TOUCH

Yes, even among friends. These are the dudes who thrive on high-fives, fist bumps, or even that one awkward bro hug where you slap each other’s back like you’re trying to start an engine.

This one is number one for me in my romantic life and is near the top of my list for my platonic friendships as well. This is a great example of knowing how your love language differs from your friends. I’m very touchy with my friends in my life. Maybe it’s my Brazilian cultural heritage or maybe it’s just how I grew up but that doesn’t mean everyone around me is the same. In fact, one of my best friends is not a physical touch person at all so I let her lead all physical interactions. I’m available for hugs but don’t initiate, I release early and never linger. But then I have other friends who battle to see who can hug longer.

Know your friends and check in with them. Its pure and simple.

Also sidenote: If you need more non-romantic physical touch in your life, consider brazilian jiu jitsu. Not only is it a great martial art and a lot of fun but it also puts you in direct contact with another living breathing human being. The only caveat is that you’re consensually trying to extinguish each other's life… for sport. Plus you get exposed to a bit of warm brazilian culture.

Summary

Okay so there you have it. The 5 love languages for friendship as interpreted by your favorite half-brazilian middle-aged bro. Is it scientific? No. Is this list complete? Absolutely not. But it is a groundwork for figuring out how to be a better friend.

In summary, how do you figure out your friend’s love language? Observe. What do they do for you? If they always give you snacks, guess what—they’re a gift guy. If they won’t stop telling you how awesome you are, their love language is Words of Affirmation. It’s like solving a mystery, but instead of Sherlock, you’re Bro-lock Holmes.

If you suck at observation or are pressed for time…Just ask. Like this: ‘Hey man, do you feel more appreciated when I say nice things, hang out, or, like, bring you snacks?’ It’s not rocket science—it’s friendship maintenance.

Your Challenge Of the Week

Crack the love language code of at least one friend. Just one. Start small. If you’re wrong, hey, free tacos for them. If you’re right, you just got yourself some bonus friendship points. Either way—you win and you get tacos!

And if you’re really committed to the challenge, drop their love language in the comments and how you found out. Who knows, maybe your bff is reading this, too.

Remember: Your friends are like plants—water them with the right kind of love, and they’ll grow…emotionally.